Over the Dither and Through the Words

Ran across an interesting article at Science Daily

Ironic Effects of Anti-Predjudice Message

The summary is that after reading literature (controlling language) that told people they shouldn’t be predjudice, talking about all the negative consequences, people were MORE likely to engage in predjudism later on. But if they read literature describing a person’s positive experiences (personal language) with not being predjudice, then were more likly to be less predjudice.

In other words, storytelling has more power than preaching.

Besides running Geekatplay, Vladimir is a UI geek. He’s a good one too. One of the few that keeps up the art and the programming side of things. The programming sides of things is constantly changing. Technologies improve and grow and the programmers have to follow.

A big indicator of how up to date a programmer or other kind of IT geek is includes how long a they are employed. If they are employed more than five years, there is a good chance they’ve settled. Not only are they not on top of the latest, they didn’t get bored or have “lost their edge” for some other reason. I’ll talk about other reasons later. The point of this is that they can no longer be counted on to bring fast, creative thinking to a project. They probably don’t have the skills asked for and will have a longer adjustment time to a new project.

So this means that good programmers often change jobs every two to three years, maybe four years. This amount of time means several things. It’s about the same amount of time it takes to develop a new project, or become overly familiar with a company’s existing projects. It’s about the amount of time it takes for a new technology to form and become a sought for skill.  A good IT geek is always looking at the latest of what is going on, and they often want to try out these new technologies. Companies can’t be expected to completely revise the project towards the new technology. Now, the skillset that an IT geek is learning doesn’t always have to be cutting edge. It can just be new to them. So another person coming in to pick up the old responsibilities of someone leaving doesn’t mean they are becoming outmoded, while staying to old responsibilities does mean that.

The backlash of this for the IT geek is that not only are they changing projects and what technologies they use (good) they are changing employers. This means that they need to adjust do a different workplace culture, different benefits that usually includes different insurance carriers, and their vacation time is reset to the minimum. They cannot count on retirement pensions.

And all of that is extra stress. Here are reasons other than going flat that an employee might stay. That company could have a short commute, or good benefits, a pleasant environment. The employer might actually give the pay raises they promised when hiring. The employee might want to gain those extra weeks of vacation.

Families are often the other reasons that an employee stays with a company for a long time. All of those extra benefits of staying means even more, because their income is going towards raising the family, not buying the extra luxuries that can reduce stress. And what if someone in the family gets sick? Changing benefits in the middle of an illness is really stressful. It’s worse if one of your providers is no longer in the new company’s network.

Vladimir is always talking about how people are expected to live to work, rather that work to live. He has a big point. This is another symptom of the cancer that corporations are to our society. On every level and with every interaction they competing with humans for time and money. Time given to corporations is time taken away from companionship and relaxing, both important to a healthy life.

Feminist Science Fiction Writer

I guess that’s what I am. I believe in equality for women, and I write science fiction. I think we need to celebrate women who write science fiction and fantasy.

But I’m also a stay at home mom, with four kids. Four brilliant, gifted children. This takes time from my day. I’ve been married for 20 years with one man and he’s the only man person I’ve ever had sex with. He’s also very artistic. Not as much taxi service or education management with this one, but a good relationship takes time out of every day.

So I am domestic and Mormon. So maybe I feel out of place, and feel like some feminists might not like my lifestyle and think it is counter productive to their vision. Plus I disagree with some feminists.

Also, I’ve written (really good) books about computer graphics and software. This takes time from my fiction, even past the day when the book has been released.

I have no time to complain, or frankly to listen to complaining. I don’t really have time to worry about where I stand in this feminism thing. There are two angles this attitude of mine takes, at least in regards to fiction.

First, is completely selfish. How will it affect my career? Are editors going to see that I’m a woman and reject a good story because of it? (But what of the work of women in the past that got me to the point where I’m not worried about what an editor will think about my gender?*)

If I’m at a convention and my choice in panels is: How to Write Really Awesome and Memorable Characters vs Why Women Science Fiction Authors are Forgotten, which one do you think I’m going to take? I would probably still skip a “celebrating women science fiction authors” panel, pick up the list, and go to the “How to write” or business of writing panel.

Second: Is exactly what I tell my children when they whine about something they do need or a reasonable want. STOP whining (or ranting as we adults like to call it), and let’s figure out how to act to get what you want. What is the solution? Cheryl Morgan talks about that in her post Female Invisibility Bingo. There she points to a book that I’m excited to get, Daughters of Earth: Feminist Science Fiction in the Twentieth Century. But I’d also like a different kind of book.

As a domestic Mormon woman, I would love to read domestic science fiction written by women that isn’t necessarily identified as feminist. Or just any plain science fiction written by women who just loved science, and fiction. So I’m going to go traipsing off in search of that, too. I have a question: did any pioneer or rural women write any science fiction?

Anyway, through Cheryl’s blog, she also pointed me to the Feminist SF Wiki. So that’s going to be fun. Clicked on just one author and found a book that looks cool: Memoirs of a Spacewoman.

*That’s another thing. There are ways we serve in this world, and pushing for women’s rights and recognition in industrialized nations where women can choose any career they want doesn’t appeal to me as much as trying to reduce domestic violence in Russia, or increasing women’s rights in Africa or the Middle East. Or just make sure children get vaccinated from diseases that our children haven’t suffered from in generations, and stop the baby formula from being promoted in Africa. There is so much crap in this world, I guess we’ll all choose our own corners to clean up.

So there is another question. Is there a woman in a slum somewhere in a developing nation thinking about some kind of fantasy or science fiction story? I wanna read that.

A pretty shirt. That was all I’d wanted. Some little extra bit of pizazz for Conduit, the local science fiction convention. I decided this on the way back home from dropping kids off to school before I picked up my husband for our youngest’s kindergarten graduation. The home to school commute is half an hour. The month has been freakishly busy. So I was also after a little bit of shopping therapy.

Hah! The irony.

I decided that it wouldn’t really be safe to find out the store hours on the phone while driving. Instead, I’d just drive by and see if it was open at 8:00 in the morning.

The irony thickens.

I turned into the big shopping center. My first choice clothing store was on the right, but there were several other smaller buildings blocking the view a bit. Was it open? There are a few cars there. Enough? Were they just the workers, or a few other early bird shoppers like me?

BAM!

Right on the drivers side. I’d hit the curb of the road divider. I veered off the curve.

Caplunk, caplunk, caplunk.

That came from the front tire. Turned out I rimmed the back tire too.

I had to get a neighbor to wake up my husband. Poor guy had thought he was in for an extra half hour of sleeping.

Epilogue: I didn’t get a shirt, but Kindergarten graduation went really well and Conduit turned out to be all the therapy I needed.

In the mornings, I often write and work from my car while I wait for my kindergartener to get out. It’s quieter than in the super cool school which is half an hour away from my house.

The thing about working in the car is that the decor is determined by the weather. (And, unfortunately, my cleaning habits.)

Lately, that weather has been rain. Every day, except on weekends, when I don’t work from my car.

Let me tell you something about this work environment. It’s like I’ve been stuffed back into my childhood when I wanted to go out and play but it was raining. Staring out the window, no good books to read, only stupid talk shows or soap operas on TV, and I made a huge mess with my chemistry set so I’m grounded from it. That was when chemistry sets were cool, before toy companies started getting sued.

Back then, I lived in a desert, and rain like this was rare. In fact, most rain storms were more like action adventure movies. Thunder, lightning, our road transformed into rapids. So I would still stare out the window, but my reaction would be “Woah! Look at their shingles flying off. Cool! We’re gonna wash down the road. Awesome!”

It was epic rain in the sense that it was big and loud.

I live in the same valley. Hello, global climate change.

This epic rain feels more like a long narrative in archaic language in poetic form. At the end, everyone dies and I’m still staring out the window, watching the snail make it’s way across a sidewalk, wishing I could go play.

Our family had a great get together with the family of friend of mine, Kirsten. During the discussion, my middling daughter said that compared to the rest of her family she wasn’t geek, but compared to everyone else, she was. This brings up something that I hope we have become attuned to. She feels different, in her own family.

How many of us felt different in their own family, or at least so different from their siblings that they felt a bit left out?

I don’t think we necessarily wanted our parents to like what we did. Just to understand it. Granted, I have little cause to complain. I learned my love of all things science and science fiction from my dad. Read from his bookshelf. And the whole family watched National Geographic, Nova and Cosmos together. It was my parents that took me to Star Wars that first year it came out, clear back in 1977. Our family (my sister and I both young and probably whiney) stood in a line that went around the corner. (Ah bliss, so glad we can buy tickets ahead of time online now, with reserved seats!) But my poor mom had a daughter with very few “girly” interests, and I wasn’t interested in any of her books. 

Parents who differ a lot from their children need to make a strong effort to understand what it is that interests their children, and not just discount it because they don’t like it.

It is  marvelous that our children can have interests different from ours. It means they are their own person.

Children aren’t our minions. They aren’t our colleagues. Or our therapists. And they certainly aren’t copies of ourselves. It is our job to help guide them, but they might need something different than we did. And it might not be horrible to admit to a child that you never went through that, so you aren’t sure what to do but let’s think together about it? Children won’t disdain you for trying to understand them. Saying something like, “I totally don’t get this kind of music, what bands do you think are cool?” when doing something like searching for a gift for them, is a great thing. They’ll love it that you are trying to understand, and taking the time with them. Take the time to look at what they are showing you, and don’t just dismiss it. But if you still really don’t like it (and if it isn’t an issue of character or moral standards) just say: well, I don’t like it but I think it’s cool that you do.

But here is the other difficulty. What if the whole family but one child wants watch a movie, or play a certain game? We want to be together as a family, but forcing that other person to do somethign they hate isn’t going to encourage family togetherness. Now, of course, we can do something everyone agrees one. But then the rest of us may still want to do the thing that leaves the one person out.

I bet some of you have some good answers out. Ours is to just do in anyway sometimes, or if possible do those things when whoever doesn’t care is doing another activitiy at the time.

A teacher has recently told this to me about my 13 year old daughter, in what he intended as a compliment. And I’m happy to take it that way.

I remember an adult telling me I was mature for my age when I was about 14. Great, I thought. Doesn’t help me get any friends. Same thing for my daughter.

There are several things involved with appearing mature when a young teenager.

One is an advanced vocabulary. Easy to acquire if one likes to read and has a good memory, but not a true symptom of maturity. And kind of off putting if you use that vocabulary in front of your peers. But it’s really hard not to use just the right word. Don’t even know how not to use the word my brain picks for the occasion.

Another is being able to piece together bits of knowledge into a comprehension of the bigger picture. This is awesom and fun, but once again not useful for socializing. It can make for sudden vocal outbursts that some kids may think weird.

This also means that there is a lot of ruminating going on, and sometimes this leads to the anxiety knob being cranked just a bit too high or in some cases I know, a LOT too high, so that the child is cautious. This appears to some adults to be maturity. Really, it means we’re just over thinking things. The teacher doesn’t see the laying in bed at night, worrying about what might happen whether it is very likely (some peer might make fun of me the next day) or less likely (what if an earthquake happens?) or even less likely (what if an alien lands and uses giant earwigs to take over my parents brains, who’ll then try to take over mine?).

Now, this ruminating can lead to aspects of true maturity. For instance, taking a real interest in the future and connecting it with what the student is doing now. This lets students lay a really good foundation for highschool, college and beyond. But that is career. Let’s get back to social.

The imaginations and worryings of the mature child isn’t just directed at self, it is often directed towards other people. They can be really good at imagining how another person is feeling, especially if something bad has happened to them. This means that the mature child detests drama. They also have a sense of fairness, so the typical social maneuvering feels barbaric to them.

Add to this the fact that sometimes social cues are more difficult for the more literal minded child. This is somewhat like aspergers, and sometimes may even be aspergers. But it could just be not enough experience (repetition) with social interactions, made worse when children refuse to socialize with the child because they are wierd. Adult interactions with these children don’t help, because the adult is more tolerant of what they see as childish foibles in a very smart child.

What the “mature” child who seems to have trouble with people their age needs is explicit instruction on socialization. Not just manners, which can be helpful, but also being able to cue into subtle social cues. The earlier the intervention here, the better. But the intervention can best come from daily interaction from parents, and parents don’t always know what to do. Especially when we barely know ourselves, because we didn’t get that intervention.

What a morning! At least I got my now wimpy jog in at the beginning. But my mood is still cranky, so I’ll take it out on a huge corporation that helped my morning be less than perfect.

So, Emerald snacks has this “breakfast on the go!” thing that I’ve been curious about. It’s always cost more than I wanted to pay, until I found it on sale yesterday. So I tried the s’more flavor because the other one had walnuts in them. A good, honest ingredient to be sure but they give me and some of my kids canker sores.

I intended them to be more of a snack than a breakfast, you know, better than a candy bar kind of thing. I’ll give them the “on the go”. It’s portable enough. But breakfast? When did smores become breakfast? But this morning my two youngest took the packaging at its word and refused anything else except a glass of milk for the morning meal, and since it said “on the go” they also wouldn’t eat it until they got in the car and we were driving. It made a good “don’t always believe the label” moment later on.

The nuts in the snack are fine. It’s mostly honey roasted peanuts, a staple favorite of mine. And I dare not buy a whole bag of the cocoa roast almonds because they push every crave button I have, and I’d quickly consume about 10-20 servings, thus gaining a pound in a day.

But the rest of this snack is horrible. And this isn’t just me. I’m sitting here with two half eaten bags of the stuff, and it’s the nuts they picked out to eat. The items in the rest of the snack are little granola clusters, graham cracker bits, and milk chocolate candies and mini marshmallow bits. Oh, there is some shaved coconut too. ALL of these are overly sweet. And this coming from a certified sugar lover.

The milk chocolate candies, which are M&M ripoffs, are too sweet and quite grainy. The graham cracker bits are pretty much tasteless, and what taste they have doesn’t resemble graham crackers. But the worst offender are the mini marshmallow bits. Why did they even bother with the label “marshmallow”?  I mean, I questioned the “marshmallow” bits in cereals but these don’t even resemble those. They’re hard lumps of some dried syrup stuff that aren’t soft or light in any way. The best way to describe them is artificial fruit bits (as found in things like cheap blueberry muffin mixes) without any of the flavor. 

This reiterates to me a rule I’ve been following: the finer the print on the label, the more important and true it is. I should have read the whole label thoroughly. But even so, even as a bag of candy stuff, the flavoring of this snack falls short.