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Archive for the Category »Parenting «

Sep
01

So after some inspiration from my sister, Tonya, I enrolled my eleven year old daughter into a charter school. Her friend situation at the other school wasn’t the best, and I felt lukewarm about both the teachers and the principal who seemed less supportive of the accelerated program my daughter was in. Since I’d come to this conclusion later in the year, I figured there wouldn’t be any available for this year. But it turned out that American Preparatory Academy was starting a new campus in West Valley City and had several openings for 4th grade on up (to 9th grade). The educational philosophy of APA looked like it would be a great fit for both her and my precocious four year old who I knew just wasn’t going to be served well by traditional public schools.

Yesterday was my daughter’s first day there. It was everyone’s first day. I chose to go in with her, as many parents did. When we walked into the school, I became immediately excited. Because of the part of town the school is in, I knew there would be lots of Latinos. But there were also many blacks and Muslims. In Utah! Here, my child would be experiencing ethnic diversity that I never thought possible in this state.

Sweet.

The rest of the day I tinkered around, curious about what she was doing. The drive getting her was difficult, since I had to drop some kids off at one place just ten minutes before I could even go in her direction, and I knew she was at least twenty minutes away. New traffic difficulties made it thirty. I got a bit stressed on her behalf. I’d told her we’d be late, but I didn’t think it would be this much. And she gets a bit anxious about that thing. Then the carpool, since it was the first for everyone, was of course very backed up. We ended up parking and walking, and she was almost, but not, the last in her class. Looking out the window.

Eventually, we did make it. And their system looks good for safety: we now have a family number that we need to display. When it is seen, they will announce the number over the intercom and the kids can come out to load up. We’ll see how fast it goes in action.

She likes to talk about things, so she was all to happy to satisfy my curiosity. We already knew about the uniforms. They also have a school poem which is a parable rather than a list of virtues. Like that. Reading fluency is about correctness and speed, and they’re still working on that in sixth grade. The timing and method of correction is both strict and positive. Literature is a different subject than reading. Fantastic! History includes religion as an integral part again. Yay! So far math has just been drill tests, so we’ll see how that subject is taught. And science fell victim to first day of school instruction, so we’ll see there too. Desks must always be totally clean. Student must sit up straight while listening. Her papers came home in a soft case with folders inside already prepared. Keeping this organized is a must not a suggestion. I sign off her homework every day. Band is something everyone participates in every day. The teachers don’t just stand around watching the kids during recess, but play with them. Rather than interrupting class when the restroom is needed, there is a special hand raise, and the student can go when the teacher nods. How cool is that?

Anyway, the whole system just thrills me. Lots of structure, and an emphasis on being positive as well. The best of old school and new research on how children learn and grow.

Yes. I’m an artist, the writing kind, and sometimes offbeat and even disdainful of some cultural norms. You might think this strict structure would bother me. But if there is one thing to know about being a successful artist it is discipline. No other skill or talent makes any difference if we don’t put in the regular time and effort, in both our thoughts and actions. And any skill or talent can be learned with discipline.

I’m kind of wishful. This kind of well thought out structure would have really benefited me as a child.

Sep
08

As my 3 yr old son woke up this morning he said he wanted to be a fairy. We’d all (his mom and dad and sisters) been fairies in his dream. When I asked him what a fairy was, he said it was someone who had wings, like a dragonfly. And they fly all around in the sky. A look of wistful joy crossed his face as he remembered his dream.

Mar
18

I am sitting here wondering whether or not to move into another character’s point of view (a new chapter, all in that person’s POV) or not. There are just a whole lot of ways this would change the book, so my question to myself is will it make the book better or worse?

I have another similar question going on in my life. We thought that we had said no to this opportunity, but it has come back bigger. It involves moving our family to the east coast. The whole money part. Well, that is nice. But more important is what is best for our family. In two years will we be better in Utah or on the east coast? Hard to say. Hard, hard decision. We thought we’d made it.

Mar
13

We have a student visiting us from Japan right now. We’ve had several in the past. This one is the same age as my middle daughter.

Cultural differences between our society and Japans are very real. In some ways, the Japanese way of raising kids makes hosting them easy for us. None of our students have been very used to making their own choices. We’ve been coached in not asking “Do you want…?” We simply tell the students, “Let’s go.” or “Have this.” Still, I hope our food has not caused nausea, etc.

Our children are not so good at not offering choices, so every time the girl students (every student who has visited us has been a girl because of our three girls) get some practice at making choices with things like what to eat.

Japanese students of the age we are getting have often not had much experience with helping around the house. This really depends on the student (parent) aspirations and the school they are attending. Imagine going to school in the morning, coming home for two hours for eating and studying, then going back to school in the evening to prepare for tests that will determine your status/income for the rest of your life. When you are no older than 14? Of course there is no time for home chores.

These students are over all very responsible with a strong work ethic, but they don’t know how to live real life. At least not in the US. I wonder when they do get the chance to make their own choice? What is puberty like in Japan when any self expression is under tight control that the child has known all their life? Easier or harder to deal with for the parents?

It is hard to determine how much culture shock the students who visit us experience. I also worry that my messiness is just a really bad thing for these kids. Oh, of course the house is a clean as I can keep it. I’m spending more time doing housework.

I am managing this task while also outputing 2-3 pages a day too!  

What are slacker japanese moms like? Do any of the mothers rebel against this society? Are those the ones that leave? At what point is decision making introduced to the kids, or do they suddenly become adults (coming of age is 21) and experience a sort of shocking transition? My daughter is fascenated with Japanese culture. What does it look like being Japanese and having a kid fascenated with American culture?

Feb
21

Had my writing group yesterday, after a long winter haitus. Very good stuff came out from there. Got the short story I recently finished thoroughly thrashed and I’m very excited at how improved it will be as a result.

Also, during the course of the conversation we talked about how talented my middle daughter is at writing and how I’m trying to influence her career choice in that direction. We realized we were talking about “Don’t choose something practical. Be an artist; you need to be a writer.” She thinks that’s weird right now.

Don’t parents usually say, “You can’t be an artist, because most aren’t very successful. You must be an .”?

Did I punctuate that correctly?

Also, told my almost 3 yr old: Math is cool, because numbers ALWAYS follow the rules. It is always perfect.

Do numbers have personalities to you?

Feb
15

A frozen, white ocean stretches across my front window. Roiling waves break against the cement, frothing up into dirty chunks of snow and ice.

Wednesday, the storm hit during the commute. My oldest comes home from school on the city bus. She had called to ask me to come pick her up. I told her that it would be safer all around if she just came home on the bus, but I would certainly pick her up at the stop which is nearly 3/4 of a mile away from the house. She just had to make sure to call me when she was 10 minutes away. She informed me that she’d left her cell phone at home. These kinds of situations, of course, were exactly why she had a cell phone.

I left early, giving myself 15 minutes to get to her bus stop. I parked and waited, the Annotated Hobbit in my hands to keep company. But I found it hard to read. The road kept my attention.

Wheels spun and cars slipped while I watched the traffic. I sat in the truck, thankful again that a programmer/artist and a writer had somehow come to own a 4X4 Suburban. People moving trucks like these don’t let you go fast on slick roads, but they do let you climb up slushy hills with confidence; actually make it where you’re going without slipping into the side of the road or another car.

An hour and fifteen minutes after the bus was due, I cursed myself. I had already learned that the bus was ‘over half an hour’ behind. But this long? Had it been late at her end, and she’d gone back to the school? Was the school now closed, and she couldn’t call? Was she spending this time in the storm? Going to the school was even more dangerous than I’d thought it would have been in the slushy whiteout conditions.

Some kids DIDN’T make it home from school. The school busses were forced to turn around and go back to the schools, the kids eventually spending two hours on the bus when usually they’d be home in half an hour and sleeping over at the school. Some adults stayed over at work too. Others braved commutes that were triple and even four times the amount of time they usually were.

Finally, the bus pulled up. It had been only a couple minutes late to her stop, but they’d passed lots and lots of accidents. And you can imagine how difficult it might be for a bus to get back into traffic under those conditions.

It snowed through the night, and schools started about 2 hours late, but the next day was gorgeous.

Jan
21

Of course, I wired myself up so I could count it as a workout. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, this hour was the second time the snow had to be shovelled today. Vlad did it the first time before he left. 

I’m in an odd place right now. It’s an exciting place, but a bit frustrating.

Geekatplay is becoming really successful, and I’m more a part of it than I ever thought I would be. In fact, it’s success at least partially hinges on my contribution, and I’m not just talking about “being a supportive wife”. When, because of Vladimir’s english, we chose to have me narrate we didn’t realize the impact it would have.

First of all, our audience loves having a female voice. We have just released another series with our partner’s wife narrating, and it is getting well received too.

Second, it turned out that the best way for me to narrate tutorials that Vlad has already recorded is to transcribe it. I’m not going to go into details, trade secret and all that, but the process makes our product high quality.

I completed a beginners series on my own, and though the transcription process didn’t happen, a lot of planning and research went into it.  

And third, I now know this program, Vue, really well. I got a few ideas of my own. So now I initiated production of a new tutorial series, with a branch series, that I will be doing. On my own.  

This is fun. I’m good at doing it. So what is wrong?

I want to write. You know. Like my eye book, or the short story, and the novel. Oh… wow. So many words in my head and some of them written out that I want to fling out into the world.

Remember, I also have a cute, genius toddler. And my 10 year old social butterfly, my 13 year old overachiever, and my 15 year old budding animator/filmaker. Schools too far to walk, and no busses to take them.

It isn’t just time. It’s emotional and creative energy. Only so much to go around, you know? 

But I can’t just drop my responsibility with Geekatplay. First of all, Geekatplay could lead to Vlad working from home all the time. Which could lead to more time for me to write.

And I can’t drop my writing. And I can’t stop being a mom.

And I can’t stop being a perfectionist with those things.

Of course, the house is a mess.

Jan
08

I might have to postpone this triathlon thing. 

Before Christmas I had been going to the gym, but I have a 90 minute cap at the gym, with my little one in the playroom. The last few weeks I took him there, he was giving me a lot of resistance. There were bigger kids in there bullying, and he was not allowed to go to the quiet place where coloring, books and a train track was (and bullies weren’t) because he was not yet 3. And I watched him on the monitor being ignored by the adults when he was trying to communicate. And he kept on getting sick, almost constantly. I’m not afraid of colds in kids, but contrary to popular belief, getting a lot of colds in a daycare situation doesn’t give extra immunity to colds. Cold viruses mutate too fast. So it just means being sick a lot.

I watched my happy, independent kid get clingy and sad, and with a constant goopy nose and sore throat. Workouts started to feel selfish to me.

Christmas vacation came right about that time, with all the big kids and husband home, so my little one didn’t go. Colds stopped. He got happier. He played independently more.  And a few days later he is in the middle of a major growth spurt. Coincidence or was he unable to have that growth spurt because he was spending too much energy fighting colds?

Anyway, upside is I’m not taking him back to the ‘play place’. Not until he is three, at least. Then I will see if he likes it or not.

Taxi duties for the other kids keep me unable to do early morning. (I start taking my oldest at 6 in the morning, and another at 7 in the morning, but must get back before husband takes last one to school) Work duties keep me unable to do it after school.

I have a very low end stationary bike at home. I have been using that. But no long runs, or rides.

Vladimir got me this cool heart rate monitor for Christmas, with a data recorder. I can upload my workouts to the computer, with the heart rate. When I can get outside (when temperatures become livable) I will have speed and distance too. So right now my workouts have a lot of dips in the heart rate.

I get up my workout graph and point out to my husband: This is when so and so called. This is when I had to help little one. Someone else called. etc. It is kind of cool, and funny.

I know in the warmer months my training will go much better, but I’m still not sure I can get the long hours in I’m going to really need. Not that and write the two books planned for this year. And continue helping my husband get his business off the ground. Speaking of which, it is going very well. I’m very proud of him. If Vladimir does come home, I will be able to devote more time to my tri training.

But here is the upside. Even if I don’t tri this year, I’m still in great shape and I will still have that goal to keep me there. And that is what is really important.

Sep
23

Looking at a picture of some of my children that included my nearly oldest (nearly 15) and my youngest who is 2, I realized that he would view this picture in later years as one with someone who was part of his early childhood. My daughter will be going to college, etc when he is around 6 years old.

She will have had a childhood full of her brother and sisters, except her first 28 months. He will watch his sisters leave him behind, one by one, until around the age of 11, when he will become the only child at home. Of course, maybe they’ll stay home while they are at college if it is local and they’ll visit. Of course the siblings will keep up a relationship. But they will be adults while he is a child.

In a lot of ways he is an oldest all over, or maybe an only child while having had more mothers than a child really needs. Can’t get away with anything. OTOH, we attribute some of his mad early learning skillz to tons of interaction. When someone is tired, there is always someone else.

He does recognize my 9 year old as the sibling that needs to be rivaled with, though. I wonder what will happen when they are the only two at home?

 

Category: Parenting  3 Comments
Sep
20

So tell me, should a middle school math teacher seat children ranked, according to their grades, with the best in front and the worst in back?

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